I have often made Thanksgiving dinner for the family which is why the Fire Department is always on special alert and they have a few extra stomach pumps available at the Emergency Room. I admit I am not the world’s best cook, with my specialties ranging from Top Ramen to Top Ramen. I can also whip up a mean plate of canned peaches.
But I have Thanksgiving dinner down to a fine science and always wonder why people spend so much time and effort on Thanksgiving. Just open a can of Spagetthi O’s and tell the kids you sent the turkey to the starving kids in China. They’ll get over it.
Seriously, I do have some great tips for an easy Thanksgiving dinner.
Rule number one is , at all costs, avoid clean-up. That is why you roast the turkey in a disposal pan, not the one that Grandma gave you. Sure roasting the turkey in Grandma’s pan might be a family tradition, but Grand Ma died five years ago, and she probably died, just to get out of doing dishes. Look, Grandma won’t be around to help clean up. So heck with it. Get a disposal pan. Here is how you clean that disposal roasting pan. Step One – pick it up. Step Two- Throw it in the trash.
And the problem with fine china is that people actually expect you to use it. That is why I always made sure that my ex-wives got the fine china. I use heavy-duty paper plates. Again no clean-up!
I think the best thing ever invented is the Brown and Serve bag. Throw some flour in the Brown and Serve Bag, butter up the turkey, salt and pepper it and throw it in the oven for three hours. After three hours check the turkey, swear because you forgot to turn on the oven, and try it again.
But in three hours, your turkey is done while you have spent those three hours doing important things like drinking bourbon and watching football.
But what about the other entrees? Those can be cooked in less than ten minutes. Get some microwave mashed potatoes, some steam-in-the-bag vegetables, some microwaveable stuffing and for dessert, a Mrs. Smith Apple Pie. Open a can of gravy and a can of cranberries and you have a Thanksgiving Dinner any homeless shelter would be proud to serve.
Again, note the main underlying principle. No cleanup! You microwave everything you can, then throw away the containers. If you are at the top of your game during Thanksgiving, you should only have to wash silverware.