Finally the holiday is over! Time to kick the family outta the house and get back to talking crap about Real Housewives!
Fakedra and Apollo are travelling to Augusta Georgia because apparently it’s the birth place of the anti-Christ or something and Fakedra is ready to release Satan’s spawn into the world now that it has had a full 7 months to develop.
Is Apollo even allowed to leave Atlanta, isn’t he on parole? Maybe it’s ok as long as he stays within state lines. Apollo asks Fakedra if she’s ready to “drop the load“. She’s not happy about his choice of words and she tells him not to be crass. Obviously the lady like thing to say is “crawl out of my vagina”. When will Apollo learn?
Fakedra and Apollo check into the bed and breakfast where they will be staying while in town. They sit on the front porch and eat lady fingers with Barbarian cream. Sounds good, I’ll have to try that one day. Then we get to meet Dr. Lue, the only doctor in the state of Georgia who is allowed to touch Fakedra’s vagina. Poor guy. Fakedra tell him and his wife her crazy story about Apollo being born 3 months early and weighing 7 pounds.
Obviously these people are polite and didn’t want to call her a liar on national television, but their reactions pretty much said it all. When asked to verify the story Apollo just shook his head and threw his hands up in the air. Fakedra insists that’s the story his mother told her. I suppose later on she’ll just blame it on white people not knowing how to count or read calendars.
Kandi is smart and got herself some free advertising for her birthday. She says that her clothing store is a great place to have a party. Personally, I was just dying to have my birthday party in the clothing department at Macy’s, but I waited too long and they were all booked up. :(
Kim says that things have been tense between her and Kandi, so to show her appreciation she bought her a birthday present that no one in the world but Kim would appreciate – a synthetic wig!
Kandi said the wig looked hooker-ish. I don’t really know what hooker hair looks like, but it definitely looked like it was purchased at the Halloween store. Even so, I still think it’s better than that bright red lopsided bird feather she normally has sitting on top of her head.
Kim and Cynthia grill Dwight about Fakedra’s due date. He stuck to her story, but even he knew how ridiculous it sounded and could barely stop himself from smiling during the conversation. Kim thinks Fakedra might be giving birth to an alien. She wants to visit her in the hospital, but Kandi won’t let her smoke in the car on the way so she decides to stay home.
NeNe decides she wants her independence and goes for a job interview. She walks in, tells them that she wants a job interviewing celebrities, they say “sure, why not?” and give her the job. See how easy it is folks? And people complain about no jobs in this economy!
Fakedra checks into her hospital room. She looks out the window and says that the hospital looks like the projects. Now… my question is this: why would your brain associate a large brick building with the projects unless you grew up there?
I’m not sayin Fakedra lied about having a classy southern belle preacher’s daughter upbringing, I’m just sayin that one way or another – she spent a lot of time in the projects. Just sayin.
Fakedra is nervous about being in the hospital because apparently in Georgia there is an epidemic of babies being kidnapped from hospital nurseries. (Someone really needs to alert Nancy Grace!) She is also afraid of maternal death because, as she explained, giving birth is the closest a woman will ever come to dying. Oh, to be inside this woman’s head for a day…
Kandi who has now also become suspicious about Fakedra’s due date comes to visit her in the hospital and get some answers. Finally Dr. Lue sets the record straight on due date-gate and reveals Fakedra to be the big fat liar we all knew she was. She’s 40 weeks pregnant. It’s not a theory, it’s not up for debate, it’s a fact. Lol. Busted!! I like this doctor. The only thing that could have made this scene better would have been if Kim had been there to laugh in Fakedra’s face and make a big scene in front of her mother.
Sheree hosts a game of spades at her house. When NeNe walks in she recognizes Sheree’s doctor boyfriend, she looks him up and down for a moment and once she makes the connection she walks right on past him without saying hello. The Countess would have been horrified.
NeNe continues flirting with Peter, and it was obvious enough for Sheree to make a comment about it. But Cynthia seems unconcerned.
NeNe and Kandi start discussing the rumors they’ve heard about the Doc and suddenly the card game turns into an interrogation as everyone tries to figure out whether or not he is actually a doctor.
The Doc does that thing that liars always do where they respond with long drawn out answers that never actually answer the question. He keeps insisting that he’s a real doctor, but he says the word doctor with air quotes so it’s kinda confusing. Eventually he admits that he got his diploma online.
Kandi asks “You can get doctors degrees online?” I was wondering the exact same thing. Because in addition to being a hobby blogger and professional writer for AC, I think it would be really cool if I could add “Doctor” to my list of accomplishments.
“Dr. RCH here, now who wants xanax?“…. That would be awesome.
Over in Augusta the real doctor decides that Fakedra needs a c-section. These scenes were waaay to graphic and there should have been a freakin warning! They showed her stomach cut open! WTF???!!!! I do not like blood and guts. Wow… and I thought the pickle scene was traumatizing.
Where was my warning Bravo???
Finally the baby is delivered and the doctor shows Fakedra her new son. The first time she see’s her baby she says “Oh, gross”. The second time she see’s him she says he looks Chinese. She thought maybe they had given her the wrong baby, but after realizing that no Chinese women had given birth in the hospital that day she decided that the baby must in fact be hers and agrees to take him home with her.
Dear Lord, please help this child. Because he is doomed with that for a mother.
Next week the fake docs asks Sheree to prove she’s a woman, and Fakedra is now a mother. Scary…. But hey, if Danielle managed to raise decent children, I suppose anyone can do it.