What better way to ease ourselves back into real life after stuffing ourselves full of turkey and cranberry sauce than by stuffing ourselves with a super-sized episode of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta?” The ladies ran the gamut tonight as we saw Phony Phaedra Parks bring her full-term baby home, Sheree Whitfield confront the doctor, Cynthia Bailey leave the wedding planning to her pretentious stylist and NeNe Leakes’ marriage implode.
Kandi isn’t getting any in the bedroom, so she lives vicariously through her Internet radio show, “Kandi Koated Nights,” as well as the ladies, who she presses into appearing on her show for some more sex talk. Kim, Nene, Sheree and Cynthia drop in on the show and Kandi wastes no time getting right down to business, wanting to know just how freaky the ladies get in the bedroom. Kandi assigns each lady a “freak” number, which determines how adventurous they are in bed. Sheree is deemed the freakiest of them all with a nine, while Kandi gives NeNe a lowly three on the freak scale (Kim begs to differ, calling NeNe a “43.”) Mistress Kim cries prude when asked about her boudoir activities and Cynthia ventures she needs to spice up her bedroom. Just as Cynthia’s about ask for tips, a rather well-endowed dancer dubbed Mr. Luscious, joins the fun and shows the wives just how he got that name.
So she can concentrate all her efforts on amping up her sex life, Cynthia delegates wedding duties to her pretentious stylist, Kithe. Cynthia, Peter and Kithe visit with a celebrity event planner and Kithe lets it be known he’s all about fabulous, per his time spent in Southern Italy and the like. Kithe throws out such “elements of surprise” as male choirs and Alvin Ailey dancers. Cynthia – snatch your wedding back from this man, lest you wind up with a boughetto wedding.
While Cynthia’s tying the knot, NeNe’s undoing hers by visiting with a divorce attorney to file legal separation papers. She claims she wants to give Gregg a shock. NeNe wants to keep everything on the down low (so she does it in front of TV cameras) but does tell Gregg what’s up. Gregg spills the beans to a local Internet radio personality over the phone, claiming he invested $300,000 in NeNe to buy her entrée into Atlanta’s social scene and that fame went to his wife’s head, which is the reason they’re headed to divorce court. Poor Gregg didn’t know this guy was taping the call and streamed it over the Internet, for all of Atlanta to hear. Oops.
Phony Phaedra and her right-on-time baby head home to Atlanta. Downtrodden Apollo must carry his wife around the house since she’s having problems with her incision and blood pressure and who knows what else. Phony Phaedra’s still figuring out this baby thing and insists Ayden stay swathed in the blue crotched outfit he came home in, discomfort be damned.
In an effort to keep daughter Brielle from coming home with any blue crocheted babies, Kim takes her shopping for an abstinence ring. With a diamond. Whatever happened to simple silver bands? At the end of the day, Kim dropped $3,000 on said ring. Later, Brielle shows off her ring to NeNe who muses that you have to lead by example and the jury’s still out on Kim. Kim wanting to spin tales about her dip in the lady pond, doesn’t help matters. NeNe tells Kim she filed for separation from Gregg and once again, Kim turns it around to make it all about her travails with Big Poppa. Seriously, NeNe and Gregg need better confidantes.
Kandi, still smarting from not sharing in Kim’s apparently boffo royalties for “Tardy for the Party,” (Really? I-tunes brought back THAT much of a return? Really??) meets with her production team to share Kim’s dislike of the new tune she’s cooked up. One guy pipes up to say that hey, Kim’s scared of the song, that’s why she doesn’t like it and they need to work within Kim’s vocal abilities. Kandi relents and decides to make the song more Kim friendly. Later, Kandi plays the revamped ditty for a delighted Kim, who claims she always had faith in Kandi.
Gregg’s Internet phone call is the talk of the town and it threatens NeNe’s new gig with the local TV station. NeNe races home to confront Gregg, who admits the $300,000 figure may have been exaggerated. NeNe unleashes on Gregg for being a bad husband and partner and warns him to remember that their son hears everything. A stoic Gregg says he understands that NeNe is done as he walks away.
We finally get to see Sheree thrown down on the so-called doctor, although, I’m not sure what was up with those bleach-laden jeans she had on. Sheree lets him know she doesn’t think he’s being honest and the so-called doctor starts to deflect her accusations and fling them back on her. Sheree wants proof that he’s a doctor and he whips out his so-called transcripts and says he’ll show her he’s a doctor if she’ll show him she’s a woman. Oh. My. God. Run, Sheree, run!
Next week, Phony Phaedra has another photo shoot, NeNe and Peter get into it and Kim practices singing.