What does a President who is the leader of the free world, and an ex-Harvard law professor, read on his vacation? Rumors abound that President Obama will be reading mostly classified material on the situation in the Middle East and will be discussing the midterm elections with advisors, despite having publicly bought three very heavy books at a book store on Martha’s Vineyard.
Usually, a president’s recreational reading material only is made public once they are out of office. As a timely development, the Office of Presidential History released George W. Bush’s summer reading list for each of the eight summers he was in the White House. Ten books he read, or almost read, or maybe just skimmed, are listed below.
1. Curious George goes to Washington D.C.; an interesting children’s story for kids, and interested adults, about a monkey that gets lost in the Capitol Building and bites a Capitol police officer before being euthanized. After reading this book W. avoid going to the Capitol building for two and a half years.
2. How Things Work; a children’s book that explains to kids how common everyday objects, like light bulbs, work their magic. Supposedly George W. Bush called this book one of his favorites and complimented how it explained “un-understood-machinations.”
3. Willie Nelson’s Guide to Stayin’ Sober, a book written by a southern alcoholic, for southern alcoholics. Has “darn good advice” for how to avoid drinking whiskey or moon shine at your ranch.
4. What the President’s Job Is; this book written for sixth graders explains some of the basic functions of the presidency. It is believed that former President George W. Bush read this book so many times that the binding fell apart. The first sentence of the book is: “The President makes decisions every day, in a way you could call him the decider!”
5. Don’t Call it a Crusade; a fictional novel about a President who decides to wage a modern day crusade on the Middle East to rid it of “evil doers”. Laura Bush reportedly said that after George finished the 221 pages book in a record three months that it kept him awake at night.
6. Adult Nocturnal Micturition, a self-help book for adults who still wet their bed. This 11-Step program helps adult who still find their bed soaked with urine after having a nightmare. Rumors from former staff members confirm that W. wet his bed for a year into his presidency, shocking his wife who thought he had kicked the habit ten years ago.
7. The American Presidential Dictator. This work of fiction, written for an older teenage audience, describes a parallel universe in which the U.S. President starts a war in Europe, bankrupts the Treasury, and takes every other week off as a vacation. Some pundits wonder if, and how much, George W. Bush was affected by this book, though his mother swears that it is well beyond his reading level.
8. Where’s Waldo Millennium Edition. Rumored to be George W. Bush’s favorite book, this massive definitive Waldo book contains the popular “Where’s Waldo Picture Games”, in addition to a magical creature called a “Kitty Bunny” which helps Waldo find his way home.
9. Evil Doers of the Old West. Written for second grade readers, this book describes in quasi-historical terms some of the infamous villains of the Old West like Billy the Kid in a no nonsense down to earth fashion. Supposedly George W. Bush asked his wife to read him this book before he fell asleep on some nights.
10. Sponge Bob Square Pants’ Amazing Journey, though Sponge Bob Square Pants is only a cartoon, George W. Bush selected him as one of his ten most important mentors which helped him win the White House and quit drinking. He often remarks to his advisors, “If Sponge Bob can save Patty and Mr. Squid, then we can conquer this country . . . “
For the top ten hints that the First Family hired imposters to vacation on Martha’s Vineyard in their place, click here.