Engineers have invented one of the world’s first robotic lifeguards, called “Emily” short for Emergency Integrated Lifesaving Lanyard”, which can plough through surf at 24 mph and provide flotation for a swimmer in distress. Soon robotic lifeguards robotic assistants such as Emily may be commonplace on beaches all over the world. Interestingly, a number of other robotic creations are surfacing which can help humans perform a number of everyday mundane chores. Ten of them are listed below.
1. Robo-politicians. A robotic politician stand-in which can deliver snapping one liners like “Had Enough?”, and “Yes we can!”, is reportedly so life-like that politicians will be able to take an occasional day-off the campaign trail.
2. Robo-answering machine. Tired of telemarketers? The robo-answering machine talks to them so you don’t have to-and will tell whomever is on the other end to put you on the Do Not Call list pronto.
3. Robo-brusher. Tired of having to spend three minutes brushing your teeth each day? Robo-brusher will brush, floss and swish your mouth with mouthwash for you when you’re deep asleep. Not recommended for light sleepers.
4. Robo-foreclosure agents. Though some banks have been criticized for perhaps unfairly foreclosing on a large number of houses, a new Robo-foreclosure robot is being developed which will decided when a bank should foreclose on a specific property.
5. Robo-Tea Party protestor. Though the Tea Party may fizzle somewhat when it has accomplished its goals during the midterm elections, party organizers can now buy robotic Tea Party protestors to replace real protestors who have gone back to their everyday lives. Dressed in Revolutionary War attire including three-pointed hats and Ben Franklin bi-focals, these robots will give mock “Heil Hitler” salutes to democratic legislators while chanting “Restore America!” Also suitable for Halloween displays.
6. Robo-vice president. Vice president Joe Biden, who has made dozens of gaffes since being elected to the White House with President Obama, may soon be replaced by a robotic vice president which churns out pre-programmed statements including, “The economy is coming back to life!”, and “We need to keep President Obama in office to finish the job we were sent to Washington to do.”
7. Robo-nanny. This robotic nanny would replace the job done by undocumented migrants who care for the children of many famous politicians.
8. Robo-nose picker. Tired of mining for gold in your nasal cavity? This new advanced robo-nose picker robot does the job for you, and with over a dozen de-boogering tools it actually does a more complete job than what an average sized human finger could do.
9. Robo-dueler. Have you made an appointment to duel an enemy with pistols in the next couple days but are getting cold feet? Robo-dueler will take your place, though due to federal laws he won’t be able to operate a firearm yet.
10. Robo-CEO. As many Bank CEOs and corporate chairmen helped to drive the United States economy into the ground, a new robotic chairman who doesn’t get a salary and doesn’t worry about setting up a golden parachute may help protect the country from future economic downturns.
For the The Top Ten Signs that NPR is a Socialist News Outlet click here.