In the face of massive losses for democrats running for Congress this fall, Vice President Joe Biden recently remarked that it would have been better for democrats if he and President Obama had lost in 2008 and a republican president had been elected. Then, according to the vice president, it would have been clear that the economic debacle was due to the republicans. Listed below are ten other regrets that the vice president has.
1. If NASA had never launched an ill-fated secret space mission to Mars in 2009 then we wouldn’t be at war with the red planet now.
2. If President Obama hadn’t secretly authorized genetic experiments to be carried out on wooly mammoths, then the midwest would not be battling wild packs of the large hairy creatures which attack cars with little provocation.
3. If Sarah Palin was arrested for the suspected shooting of a moose on the vice president’s front law in 2009 then the Tea Party might not have taken off.
4. If the economic meltdown had never occurred then the vice president would still own all of his stock in Bear Sterns.
5. If Conan O’Brian hadn’t been fired from NBC then Biden might have been able to work out a deal to be his sidekick.
6. If Biden had patented his idea for velcro back in the 1970s then he might have had enough money to build a special “AmTrak train for one” between the vice presidential residence and his home in Delaware.
7. If only George W. Bush hadn’t gotten sober then none of this mess would have occurred.
8. If only Lucky Charms breakfast cereal wasn’t only for kids then his mornings would be a little bit happier.
9. If only there was a Taco Bell near the White House, then he wouldn’t have to eat fancy salads and fish when he has dinner with the president.
10. If only that traveling salesman hadn’t sold him that worthless bag of beans for $780 billion.
For the Top Ten Caveats for “Change You Can Believe In” click here.