Vice Pres. Joe Biden recently made a bold prediction that Democrats will hold onto both the Senate and the House of Representatives after the November elections. However, given the most political pundits believe that the Democrats will lose at least the House, does the Vice President know something that the average American Joe doesn’t? Listed below are 10 secret weapons that Joe Biden may use to help the Democrats retain control of Congress.
1. A free pack of Junior mints for everybody who votes for a Democrat.
2. Secret evidence written on a napkin which proves that former VP Dick Cheney is secretly behind the economic meltdown.
3. The Vice President and the Emperor of Mars will make a joint televised press conference in a couple days in which voters can either reelect Democrats or risk a Martian invasion.
4. Joe Biden will reveal that Pres. Obama is really an exact genetic clone of Abraham Lincoln and that voting against the Democrats would be un-American this fall.
5. Joe Biden and his team of Secret Service agents may have retrieved evidence from John McCain’s secret warehouse in Mesa Arizona which proves that the Brazilian government is financing most Republicans candidates.
6. Biden will personally delivered over 3 million absentee voter ballots to democrats.
7. Biden has asked hundreds of thousands of democrats to say they are going to vote republican in telephone polls so when election day arrives more democrats than expected will show up.
8. A special mind control serum developed by Biden will make voters want to back democrats in addition to causing an intense craving for nutty peanut butter.
9. Biden will promise to spend the next two years in Canada if democrats win.
10. No more internet for anybody who doesn’t vote democrat.
For the Top Ten Surprising Stimulus Package Items: click here.