An interestingly large number of Pres. Obama’s staff are leaving the White House in anticipation of heavy losses during the midterm elections for Democrats. Already resigned staff members include former chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, National Security Adviser James Jones, the Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, and presidential aide David Axelrod. Listed below are 10 other expected departures.
1. “Bo”, the White House dog, has decided to leave his civil service post to become the spokesdog for Purina pet food. Apparently Bo is upset that several of his pet projects, including a special high speed train built for dogs, have not been adopted by the White House.
2. Vice President Joe Biden is planning on running for the Irish Presidency, and will change his name to Joseph Connor O’Malley in order to emphasize his Irish roots. When asked about his planned move away from the United States, the vice president said that, “the Tea Party gives me the willies, and there isn’t any Tea Party in Ireland so I figured now was a good time to go.”
3. Hillary Clinton says that she will end her term as Secretary of State early in order to promote her new book, “Why the World Needs a New World Government Lead by Me.”
4. Michelle Obama is planning on serving as Harvard’s University’s President after describing her role as First Lady as being “hellish”, due mostly to the fact that she has to constantly make sure Joe Biden isn’t running his mouth in public.
5. The White House pastry chef, who is reportedly almost constantly exhausted due to incessant requests by the President for pecan pies, shoe-fly pies, apple pies, peach cobbler pies, and almost every other type of pie; is taking over as chief pie designer for the Marie Callendar chain of restaurants.
6. President Obama’s limo driver, who transports the president around in the top secret armored limo referred to as “Cadillac One”, is taking time off to rest his nerves as the President frequently asks him to “speed up” the motorcade, sometimes to speeds in excess of 85 mph.
7. Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner has decided to leave his post to meditate in the redwoods of America’s northeast for a couple years as he suddenly realized that he, “given away $780 billion to guys already making millions on Wall Street.”
8. President Obama’s White House secretary has decided to leave as scheduling a large number of “beer summits”, and dinner parties at Five Guy Burgers, in addition to answering prank calls from Tea Party members has frayed her nerves.
9. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has decided to leave his job as White House Press Secretary because he couldn’t stand constantly being called, “boy”, by the vice president.
10. General Patraeus has decided to leave his position at the White House due to the president’s reluctance to “go nuclear” on Pakistan.
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