It has been three months now
and it seems like yesterday
the one person I loved with all my heart had gone…
I have cried so many tears throughout these days
These days of sadness
I never knew one person could cry
as much as I have for another…
Although I know we will never be together again
I still have a small gleam of light inside my heart
A gleam of light that burns for us to be together…
He keeps coming back into my life
Only every once in awhile
And even though it’s only for a moment
I seem to take that moment…
Just a small moment
Whatever I can have
Whatever time there is
It’s time enough to touch his face
To kiss his lips
To remember the smell of his skin
To cuddle him ever so softly…
My friends grow tired, tired of my crying to them
Crying to them each and everyday…
They don’t understand why
Why I don’t stop accepting his calls
Why I don’t stop letting him come over
Why I don’t stop making LOVE to him…
They don’t understand
They don’t understand how I feel
How I LOVE him with all that I am…
Why do I hold on to someone that is clearly gone?
Why do I let him into my heart when he always ends up leaving?
Why am I allowing this one person continue to hurt me this way?
To rip my heart and soul apart?
To rip my every feeling and emotion I have from my very core?
He is the meanest person I know
I need to figure out how to get him out of my life…
How do you get the one person that you Love
but Hate at the same time – out of your life
Out of your life without falling apart…
Even though I know how stupid I am
Why do I do – what I do?
I have tried to move on
Even find someone else
I can’t do it
It is not the same
I do not want this
I DO NOT want to be with anyone else…
When I think of the things he has done
The kiss that he gave to another girl
It makes me sick !!!
It makes me angry – angry enough to want to hit this other girl
Even though it is not her fault…
I don’t understand how he can get jealous
about the things he does not know
How can he be so jealous when it is his decision to stay gone?
His decision to be with another girl?
The road has been more challenging then I ever imagined
I can’t seem to get my life going
I don’t seem to have anymore dreams for myself…
This past three months I have been in a really dark place
At times I have not wanted to go on…
I am really tired
Tired in away some do not understand
Tired in away that makes me scared…
Scared of knowing I will never look the same
I will never look like I used to
Like I looked when I was with you…