Introduction & Caution
Can you imagine how Dear Abby or her even sterner sister, Ann Landers, might have reacted to a similar question in their correspondence? Aside from addressing the response as “Dear Flabby,” I’m sure they’d have to touch on some of the following issues. You know, the specific exercises noted below to help you in your wishful thinking might be the least of your concerns if you’re already averse to suffering any inconvenience at all in order to reach your purported goal. For instance, unless your garage is heated and your gym has valet parking, even getting to a fitness center is going to require venturing out into the cold. And, while there are legitimate medical conditions that contraindicate sustained exposure to cold, I’m truly unsure how one would be healthy enough to exercise yet unable to tolerate a brisk walk to a car. Nonetheless, I’ll give you your exercises. After all, if felons in solitary confinement can maintain an exercise routine in an 8×6′ cell, we can certainly find some activity that you can do at home. The question, as usual, is whether or not you’ll do them.
Using two stairs in a stairwell, or the dry, flat wide edge of your bathtub (only if uncurved), or a high sturdy wide box, place the right foot on the higher stair or edge and slowly lift you – and your body weight – until your left foot is at the same level. While constantly maintaining your balance, use your left foot to step down to the lower stair or floor, returning to your original position. This counts as “1” using the right foot as the primary one. Repeat for a total of 25 using the right foot as primary. Change your primary foot to your left one and perform 25 additional step-ups. Work up to 100 on each side as you grow stronger.
Standing with your feet approximately shoulders’ length apart, while crossing your arms across your chest, slowly and deliberately squat until your thighs are approximately parallel to the floor. At the very least, the tips of your fingers should brush the floor if they are extended at your side. Do 25 squats and rest for 2-3 minutes. Repeat to finish with 25 more. By the end of the winter you should be able to do 300 to 400 of these.
Sit in the floor with your back against the edge of a sofa or very, very sturdy coffee table. Your legs should be extended together, out in front of you. Bending your elbows, place the heel of each hand, approximately shoulders’ length apart, on the sofa or low table behind you. Extending each arm fully, raise your torso off the floor, shifting the weight of your body to your feet together on the floor. Repeat 25 times. Over the course of the winter, you should increase this amount to a minimum of 200 lifts.
Additional But Crucial Exercises
• Drink 8 full glasses of water daily
• Push your chair away from the table 3 times a day before you are full
• Exercise is hard enough – don’t put junk into your body that is even harder to work off