Growing up a twin I hated being compared to the pretty one. People would actually say that my twin sister was prettier than I was in front of me. Parents and families should try to discourage these types of comparisons especially in front of the child. Comparing twins to each other can lead to unwanted expectations as each twin has special unique gifts and talents of their own so each twin should be treated as the special individual that they are. With one twin being better at something and the other twin not so good usually causes jealousy between them which leads to hurt feelings.
Children need role models in their lives that they can imitate and respect. If children see their parents fighting and screaming than they too will act out. Parents and Families of twins should encourage them to be individuals one may need to be left alone while the other held and comforted. While one twin may struggle the other will pull up along side of the other twin and help if possible. All siblings and close friends usually teeter on love/hate relationships and this is quite normal. Encourage children to give each their own space, use their words, if they can talk and ask each other if it is O.K. to play together or share something.
Coping with differences
Treating kids the same can be difficult as a parent/ teacher, but I’ve learned to understand differences and modify my discipline tactics with special needs in mind, and to not play favorites, but instill tough love. Conflicts between siblings are very common. It seemed at times that we fought over everything. Closeness can grow into hatred and jealousy. I wanted to be like my twin and she too admired me in a special way. This unique rivalry created a stronger force of protection. We complimented each other during tough times. As we needed each other outsiders could tell we had a special bond. Our differences allowed us to be stronger. We were left alone to our own devices and made the best of the worst life thought possible.
What makes twin rivalry unique is the fact that twins have to share everything. I remember sharing the last piece of cake, the back seat of the car, our bedroom even the bed, we shared clothes and shoes, the bathroom, and the German measles. We shared birthdays and friends, homework and were given the same presents. Twins are forced to live a life of a secondary nature. One is nothing without the other. I felt lost if my twin was sick in bed. She did my math homework and I wrote her essay papers, and her spelling assignments. We’ve been told that we share a brain, and that’s O.K. with me because I love her with all my heart.
A lot of my own perspectives.