Previously published in Examiner
Part 3 of the abused men series
Gaslighting is a form of abuse where the abused man is told something, or see something being done, yet is told that he is wrong the words were never said, the situation never happened. The abuser never admits a mistakes or takes blame for an action, causing some men to question their own sanity.
For example, being told to pick up drying cleaning the following day, but a big argument breaks out because it wasn’t picked up the same day. When husband says he was told to pick it up the following day the wife denies it.
This type of abuse eventually leads to the man questioning his own sanity.
Unpredictable responses is a form of abuse
Imagine told one thing one day and the total opposite the next, yet you are supposed to respond appropriately without really knowing what is the right reaction to have.
Women will blackmail their partners into remaining silent by:
- Threats of divorce,
- The silent treatment
- Lying that the male hit them.
The unfortunate thing is that the courts usually side with the women and men who are abused yet have not hit their partners are afraid to be accused of doing that. It also puts the falsely accused male partner in a position of losing visiting rights for the children if the couple should divorce. Again this situation is pretty much universal and not limited to Montreal men.
Yes, there are men that are abused, they don’t often tell about it, because they do not want to be laughed at. Men in our society are supposed to be strong and powerful. When a man tells the police, he is often laughed at; when he tells his friends, he gets the constant ribbing that he being henpecked or controlled by his woman. A man begins to doubt his manhood.
Counselling for abused men
Traditionally men do not go to counseling as much as women do; psychologists state that men do not like to talk about their problems, they also may feel ashamed that they do not have it “all together.” However, if you are a man that is being abused and you want some help to understand the situation and make it better there is an organization that can help.
For more information on the subject of abused me, visit the following Heart to heart website: http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/