A few months ago, I read an article by Deborah Cooper on this subject. She touched on the topic of black women having a higher rate of singlehood than white women, and that it may be a result of what black women are taught in black churches. I thought she made some interesting points.
I started thinking, “Is she right? Is the church keeping black women single?” For the most part, black women are single for a collection of reasons. I don’t think there’s only one. There are a lot of issues black women (and men) face, and all those issues may be contributing to why we aren’t marrying.
In my previous articles, I mostly blame black men for why black women aren’t married. I always thought that black men were too “into the streets” to marry and settle down. I then started to be enlightened that there are some black men out there that are having a hard time finding a woman, too. It goes both ways.
But this church thing is on a whole different level. When I think of all the black women that go to my church, most of them are married. But their husbands never come to church with them. I’ve always thought that was strange. But I guess that’s a different topic…
I think the main problem going on inside the black church (regarding this issue) is that the church teaches women to be extremely conservative. I don’t think conservatism is a bad thing, however. I classify myself as conservative, but at the same time, I do understand that being extremely conservative will scare men off.
Men are easily intimidated, and “God fearing” women are more intimidating than the average woman. They have higher standards, and they expect more out of the men. They expect the men to be just as God fearing as they are, and just as “perfect” as they are.
A lot of men (particularly black men) may not feel like they can meet the church woman’s standards, so they just stay away. And of course, the church teaches the women to just sit and wait until a man finds them, and to never look for a man.
I don’t think chasing a man is a good idea either. But if you want one, you have to keep your eyes open. You can’t just sit there and hope they find you. Black women want to be found, and they insist on being found by a black man. Black women need to really consider dating outside the race for a change. But that also may be hard to do, because some black churches teach that dating outside your race is a sin.
My sister is married to a white man, and she wanted to visit my uncle’s church. He told her to beware because his church members “don’t believe in that”. Isn’t that sad?
When we are being taught such strict ways of living in our churches, (many of the “rules” aren’t even in the Bible) how can black women date comfortably if they are always worried that everything they do is going to send them to hell? They are being taught that everything is wrong, and everything is a sin. What gives?
This is why people need to make sure they read the Bible for themselves so they can get their own interpretation of the word. I mean, look at Bishop Eddie Long. He’s proof that we can’t put all our faith into our church leaders. We have to form a relationship with God ourselves, and stop hoping our leaders will bring us to God. Sometimes our leaders will brainwash us and have us thinking the wrong thing–and we’ll suffer the consequences of their misguidance.
Other articles you may be interested in:
Why Black Women Don’t Get Married
Why Black Women Don’t Get Married, Part 2: Black Women Aren’t Submissive Enough?
Why Black Men Don’t Get Married Part 3: Is a Good Black Woman Hard to Find?
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