Not too long ago I bared my very soul when I revealed my long torrid love affair with Tom Selleck. Well, since that was over a month ago and I have not heard word one from Mr. Selleck, I’m dumping him. You gals trying to one-up me by “claiming” he was also your lover? Pfffttt! You can have him. It’s time for me to move on.
I expected more from Tom. Really. I gave him the best years of my life, stood by him through Jessie Stone, and what do I get? Bupkiss. Not so much as a phone call. Either Jillie has him hog-tied in the cellar or Tom Selleck is not the man’s man I thought he was.
I spent about an hour dwelling on his silence, but no more. I want no part of a married man who doesn’t have the decency to carry on a respectful monogamous love affair with his mistress. There are certain ethical values to be followed and I am appalled that Tom Selleck, a man of ideals, has chosen to ignore them at this fragile time in my life. No second chance for you, Mr. Blue Blood.
So you got yourself a new hit show and you never even had the good graces to call? Well, la-de-daah. Blue Blood my ass. More like Yellow Blood, you coward. I’ve heard the rumors about you and Jillie reconciling after my expose’ and although I know deep down in my heart you did it for the sake of appearances, I can never forgive you for choosing your wife over me. What are you? NUTS?
You might be able to fool her into believing you will never see me again, but we both know that isn’t true. As always, you will come crawling back to me, begging for forgiveness, but this time will be different. You see Tom, I no longer want you.
I miss the Tom Selleck of old. I miss the gorilla mask, the Hawaiian shirts, and the Ferrari, although not necessarily in that order. I long for the laughter of the old days. You brood too much, my Tommy. You have lost your spontaneity, your love of life. You don’t even giggle like a school girl anymore, and not once have you looked into the camera. How sad that it has come to this.
You looked so much manlier in your navy whites than in those dark blues you wear now. I yearn for the days of Old Dusseldorf, and a Detroit Tiger baseball cap, but sadly, those days are gone, thrown to the wayside like garbage, replaced by some old guy who sulks a lot.
So, it is with a shattered heart I say “Aloha” to you. Tom “Blue Blood” Selleck, but be warned. “Baby does not sit in a corner.” Maybe someday our paths will cross again. But in the meantime, my Gibbs needs me.