I often ask myself why women stay in bad relationships. Countless friends and relatives of all races and religions, stay in a miserable state of mind, all while trying to make their relationships work; but why? Many women are abused, maybe not just physically, but mentally and emotionally down-trodden by the screwed up ideals of some men. The question is why do so many of us put up with it? We all want the kind of love that sends our hearts into a flutter. We all desire the sweet gentle kiss of a man that takes our breath away. And lets admit, we all want that mind blowing, toe curling sex that comes from the mutual desires of two lovers in the night; at least sometimes! Most important of all, we yearn for someone special to genuinely care for us when we are sick, stressed, depressed or going through a life crisis. So many are the desires of women and for men as well, seems simple enough, yet so many of us are lacking those very things.
Let’s think about this really. I’m not talking about the single woman eating dinner alone for the umpteenth time; I’m talking about the married woman lying in bed next to the man that vowed to cherish her. He lays there as if she is a stranger. He acts as if he doesn’t hear her when she cries herself to sleep, and he touches her only for his own pleasure forgetting that she too has deep desires. He kisses her only for the brief moments of hellos and goodbyes, and sees her as a permanent fixture in his life so there’s little left for him to do. Silently women sit wondering why? Not all of us have ” let ourselves go” and even still women endure so much during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising a family that we are entitled to a little bit of what I call relaxation. We are beautiful, loving, resourceful, creative, intelligent, mothers, wives, lovers, and friends. However, the men in our lives view us as a familiar object of their own fantasies what ever that may be. For some men, that may mean that their wife is their old reliable when it comes to sex, unless they cheat but that’s another story. Other men see their wives only for the hot meal, live in maid and baby maker like some sick western movies where the dirty lonely man sends for his mail order bride. The men in our lives forget to view us as the lovely creatures we are; full of longing, just waiting for a moment of tenderness to release of from our silent hell.
So why do women stay? Suffering from emotional abandonment by the man lying next to her? One may never know. Is it the children? Is it her financial status? Is it the fear of the unknown? Are we simply too scared, too weak, and too bruised to risk the change? Words can cut like a double edged sword leaving us shredded and torn, after countless arguments brought on by us voicing our feelings of neglect; to the point of us forgetting to believe in ourselves. It leaves us stunned and scared to move. Sadly, we mostly stay out of love. Constantly forgiving the trespasses of the men in our lives. Choosing to see only the best, only what we can cope with, while his flaws pile up like his dirty socks and underwear in the corner. We stay focused on the fairytale idea of what he can be, or we hold on to the thought of what he used to be, ignoring our own desires and basic human right for happiness; just to be there for him. We sit and wait selflessly for an epiphany or some kind of explosion to happen within his soul, just to get him to wake up and realize what God has blessed him with. Many wait for a while, some wait for a lifetime.
The bible says ” he who finds himself a wife, finds himself a good thing.” I wish men actually believed that, if they did, things would be so very different.