Growing up I’ve always hated girls my age.
I take that back, I’ve always hated guys that were roughly 3.5 years older than I am. For it was always the older guys that won over the girls my age and subsequently left me in the dust. Three and a half years might seem like I’m cutting it close, but I’ve narrowed it down to that definite difference in age. When the average teenager entered high school most of them had to quickly establish themselves remarkably. Boys managed to do this by smoking cigarettes and talking about sexual conquests that never happened over the summer. Girls pulled off dominance by dating the upperclassmen (the older the better). In this case, the oldest men they could get were eighteen (or the occasional super senior), so three and a half years is a good estimate. The older these girls got in high school, the further they needed to push the boundaries by dating guys older; thus enters the college frat guy (and somehow I’ve been misled into thinking that girls matured faster than boys).
Once girls graduated from high school, it was thus time to pursue a man with a strong social standing, a man that stood out among the rest, and a man that could get them alcohol (3.5 years, yet again). Because once a man becomes a man by the age of 21 he is much more civilized and refined than his 20 year old former self. He no longer has to ask his older brother or estranged co-worker to buy him alcohol. But after 0.5 years of being 21, he soon realizes that all the women his age are sophisticated and looking for a man a little bit older that has already graduated college and moved on to important things; like briefcases and double venti lattes. So, what’s a male at the age of 21.5 supposed to do? Quickly turn into the cool college guy that can date any girl 3.5 years younger than him, because, well, alcohol, can be an easy decision maker.
As I stated earlier, your average college girl quickly plays into the same high school trap of dating older guys that have graduated. Only this time it’s justified because before they were only looking for free alcohol; now they’re looking for money to buy the alcohol. And we all know that college kids don’t have money. So, they set their sights on the 24.5 year old guy that has an associates degree in business. What’s the guy’s rationale here? Simple; college girls are easy.
Now, let’s pretend that all of these situations have happened to the same girl throughout her life as a young adult. You’d think that by the time she reached the age of twenty-five, she’d quickly realize that dating older guys was always a mistake. Well, you’re wrong because once they’re in their mid-twenties it’s not long until they meet Mr. Late-Twenties. He’s not like all the other men she’s trifled with in the past, he’s going places, he’s into stocks and bonds and owns a Blackberry. He’s no longer the older guy that’s going to piss off daddy, he’s the older guy that’s willing to work for daddy’s company.
So, through my own experiences and life-lessons, I’ve decided that there are only two things I could do at this point in my life. I could fall into the social norm and date a girl that is 22 years old or I could wait until I’m 28 to finally get to date a girl my age (or that was my age). But, instead I will choose neither, for I am not one to follow the crowd and give in to peer pressure. Instead I will ignore naysayers and date somebody whom is 14; that way I can finally catch up to my past self and date somebody the same age as me in high school. Plus I’ll surpass all those that have gone before me and outdo them more than 3 times. I’ll be the coolest guy ever.